tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post2629676983639486392..comments2024-01-25T09:28:56.610+00:00Comments on Confessions of a skeptic: "The monks stole my childhood"Jonathan Westhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00527063732905729010noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-30819595868066264352017-12-20T23:39:10.133+00:002017-12-20T23:39:10.133+00:00I am absolutely not blaming the victims of the abu...I am absolutely not blaming the victims of the abuse. Yes, more than likely they would not have been believed about SEXUAL abuse. But beatings like the ones detailed above would leave marks. . .did the parents really not notice? (Correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think either St Benedict's or its junior wing were entirely boarding. In other words, there would have been children going home after these attacks with physical injuries.) My comments at 15.42 are largely rhetorical: yes, the Catholic Church exerted far too much power, to the extent that people would rather let down their own children than challenge a priest or a teacher at a Catholic school. Shame on them though, as adults they did have some power which they chose not to exercise. That is the only thing that abusive people need: other people, other ADULTS, who choose to stand by. (For the record, I was brought up in the Church and spent some time at a Catholic school. As far as I know, there was no sexual abuse there and maybe no physical abuse either but the head was a mentally disturbed man with an explosive and terrifying temper. He had a hugely negative effect on the school. . .but teachers and parents alike, all in the know (there was nothing secretive about his behaviour), chose to do nothing. Apparently they were afraid that the local press might get hold of the story and that the Church might "be made to look bad." So it's pretty much the same mentality.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-69618405929487891802017-12-20T15:14:21.657+00:002017-12-20T15:14:21.657+00:00The fact is that physical punishment was an expect...The fact is that physical punishment was an expected and tolerated part of school life in those days. Society has moved on though, and it isn't any more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-19559176634142767752017-12-20T11:16:43.281+00:002017-12-20T11:16:43.281+00:00I think it comes down to the power the Catholic Ch...I think it comes down to the power the Catholic Church had in Ealing at the time. It was also sadly a different and very repressive era. Would you have been believed? These black robed monsters exercised enormous power. Horrific as it sounds their brutality was normalised. It has taken the bravery of the victims of terrible sexual abuse to speak out in a more open time to expose the real rottenness at the core.Annoymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01090564625453184253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-25848750409083743742017-12-19T15:42:14.723+00:002017-12-19T15:42:14.723+00:00One thing I keep coming back to when I read things...One thing I keep coming back to when I read things like the horrific abuse by Miss Everett is: what on earth were the PARENTS doing? Surely they knew about these "incidents"? The whole culture within such schools was one where adults (to a man and woman) were cowards of the worst kind, people who stood by while their own children were being mistreated and sustaining long-term trauma. They disgust me more than I can even begin to say.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-75042275073763162332017-12-19T08:14:41.839+00:002017-12-19T08:14:41.839+00:00I thank you for your thoughts it was horrific and ...I thank you for your thoughts it was horrific and I understand it must have been terrible what you had to go through at St Scolasticas. No one should go through any form of abuse and let's hope that what we all suffered in the past stops any abuse at schools in the future! Victimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02195422627291660363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-86830245093544023832017-12-18T18:37:41.928+00:002017-12-18T18:37:41.928+00:00I well remember St. Scolastica's under Miss Ev...I well remember St. Scolastica's under Miss Everett it was a horrible fearsome place to start your schooling. I also remember Father Gregory's mass beating of a class. There was a culture of vicious arbitrary discipline at St Benedict's, a culture of fear. My heart goes out to those who experienced the horrors of sexual abuse. I was lucky and did not. Annoymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01090564625453184253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-53028765660375163342017-12-18T16:58:41.832+00:002017-12-18T16:58:41.832+00:00Can I please make a suggestion that before you say...Can I please make a suggestion that before you say anything more about Father Gregory that you phone and discuss this with someone from Operation Winter Key on 02082176582 for fear of putting in jeopardy any investigation that might be currently being carried out. Not that I am one to tell anyone what to do. My thoughts are with you. Victimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02195422627291660363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-45423687486014708962017-12-17T09:59:32.925+00:002017-12-17T09:59:32.925+00:00I don't understand why didn't you report i...I don't understand why didn't you report it even though it was in the 70s it still happened. Victims wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14319424777425688755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-86812026013706121842017-12-16T19:51:47.765+00:002017-12-16T19:51:47.765+00:00I was a pupil at St. Benedicts from 1967-1976 and ...I was a pupil at St. Benedicts from 1967-1976 and before that at its then preschool Kindergarten St. Scolastica’s from 1964-67.<br />Am very distressed to learn that fellow pupils were sexually abused at the time I was there. Though I did personally not experience any sexual abuse, I was aware of a culture of unchecked bullying by pupils and by a form of arbitrary discipline that seemed itself a form of bullying. This has left me with a deep distrust of authority; this has been confirmed tenfold by what has now come to light.<br />In the Junior School I was beaten with the jocari bat at the age of 9/10 by a senior lay teacher for misspelling the word „it’s“ and my entire form were similarly beaten when a couple of boys in a play fight knocked over the class bookshelves. In the middle School I witnessed a mass beating by father Gregory when a fire alarm was set off in the middle school; I can still see the expression of fury on his reddened face as we were forced to watch him beat child after child in the school playground where we were assembled.<br />The atmosphere in the senior school was depressing ; a combination of neglect and discipline. There was a crazy physics teacher who would threaten children with „a whole heap of trouble“ if they didn’t come up with answers within ten s finds which he counted in a shouting voice. One day he even struck a child in front of the whole class for standing up to him in a cheeky way; the child was a severe epileptic with behavioural problems.<br />On the other hand there were some inspirational teachers who had no need of threats or corporal punishment; their lessons provided a refuge from the other dark side of the school, for which I am immensely grateful.<br />The worst experiences for me, however , we’re in the pre school Kindergarten, St. Scolastica’s whose elderly headmistress , Miss Everett, imposed a Victorian regime of military discipline. She was rumoured to have been a governess for the last Viceroy of India’s family; not sure how accurate this was. She had military style inspections in a line up of the children every morning; if a tie pin was missing , the child at fault would step forward for a slap in the face. On other occasions at these military assemblies, a child would be picked out fir misdemeanours such as wetting a toilet seat, be humiliated for thus crime, and slapped in the face. Speaking out of turn was forbidden; I was wrapped over the knuckles with a wooden ruler and slapped in the face for speaking to my neighbour in the milk break. I still find it difficult to stand the smell of milk. The worst experience I recall was seeing a child tied with rope by Miss Everett to a chair for “fidgeting”. When the smaller children started crying fir their mothers out of fear, Miss Everett instructed the other children to laugh at the “cry babies”. I remember fir the first time being paralysed by fear into a state of numbness; I still weep at the age of 59 when recalling Or recounting this event which I experienced as a six year old. <br />It is ironic that when I eventually left this Dickensian prison Kindergarten for the junior school I thought I was entering a paradise in comparison. <br />Does any one else recall St. Scolastica’s under Miss Everett? The school was closed shortly afterwards and demolished to make way for the new accommodation wing of the monastery.<br />My heart goes out to those who suffered far worse than me, as I know the memories of traumatic events at suffered a young age are as intense as if they happened yesterday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-7825627125535297382017-12-15T16:58:16.391+00:002017-12-15T16:58:16.391+00:00I was abused (in the late 70's) by a fellow Do...I was abused (in the late 70's) by a fellow Downside pupil (in one of the two classrooms above what was then the medical rooms, next to what was then a Barlow dormitory). It wasn't the worst of abuse, by far, but it still comes back to me every so often. I am so gad I didn't report it, as who knows where that would have led.Lutherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09210584900632538195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-19487319841790014132017-12-14T09:20:43.838+00:002017-12-14T09:20:43.838+00:00Your welcome it must have been very difficult for ...Your welcome it must have been very difficult for you that your own mother didn't believe you I know how that feels as I told my mother about a situation I had all she said I know how you feel. CRAP Victims wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14319424777425688755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-74077634387383739292017-12-14T08:26:24.554+00:002017-12-14T08:26:24.554+00:00Well to all those that are interested the sentenci...Well to all those that are interested the sentencing for Soper has now been put back to Thursday 21st!Victimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02195422627291660363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-77656419143433395302017-12-13T21:28:20.391+00:002017-12-13T21:28:20.391+00:00Another important element of healing from abuse is...Another important element of healing from abuse is *validation* - those who have not been abused will never get how important the truth of what they are saying is to the target of abuse. <br />My 2018 Benedictine Yearbook came today. Apart from Belmont and St Louis as far as I can see the EBC is moribund. And Ealing has a novice. Just why would you do that to yourself?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-28238824851857642072017-12-13T21:23:51.698+00:002017-12-13T21:23:51.698+00:00@Victim's wife
Thank you - tbh it says quite a...@Victim's wife<br />Thank you - tbh it says quite a lot about my mother!<br />10:54Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-63235787840854157302017-12-13T21:21:27.085+00:002017-12-13T21:21:27.085+00:00Because abusers deny that they are abusing. Becaus...Because abusers deny that they are abusing. Because people around the target of abuse minimise and deny it. Because it maintains the reality against the tide of denial. Because Benedictine congregations want to deny that anything is wrong. Because the church says it is sorry and has changed (it hasn't). Because when the illegal activity of which I only *suspect* my abuser comes out, it will be people like me who bring into the open that this monk's other behavioural problems have been repeatedly raised with his superiors... I could literally go on and on. The other targets of this monk are interestingly in the same place. Believe me the Benedictine scandals are far from over!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-83914232824751117742017-12-13T17:25:38.887+00:002017-12-13T17:25:38.887+00:00Email sent to you Sara. Email sent to you Sara. Victimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02195422627291660363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-82745617866742979772017-12-13T17:12:58.756+00:002017-12-13T17:12:58.756+00:00I think we have now had enough discussion on the s...I think we have now had enough discussion on the subject of Christian forgiveness. Everyone has had a chance to make their view known. No further comments on the topic will be published for this article.Jonathan Westhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00527063732905729010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-14457586971239188102017-12-13T16:52:24.958+00:002017-12-13T16:52:24.958+00:00It's still abuse never the less I can't b...It's still abuse never the less I can't believe your mother ignored it when you mentioned it to her. Soper has ruined my husband life I hope he gets what is coming to him. My husband will never forgive him and for other's reading this comment. Don't throw Christianity at us until you been in the same position as my husband please don't comment. Victims wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14319424777425688755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-31616882587711263732017-12-13T15:48:35.128+00:002017-12-13T15:48:35.128+00:00were you a trainee monk? were you bullied? why ca...were you a trainee monk? were you bullied? why cant you have power over your thoughts and life and be able to forgive at the same time? What makes those 2 things mutually incompatible?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-73146463059579055472017-12-13T15:44:55.356+00:002017-12-13T15:44:55.356+00:00if you do not mind me saying I have not said that ...if you do not mind me saying I have not said that i have forgiven my abusers i have said that i am a work in progress and will be till the day i die nor have i said that forgiveness is easy because it is not.The damage to my life was total and the consequences are with me every day. However this whole being a victim thing is in my view unhealthy. how does it help anyone having a victim sign printed on their forehead.I think survivor is a much better term . I think the core problem with boys who have suffered this abuse is the sense that they have been complicit in their abuse and that they did not fight hard enough to stop it. self hatred and shame is all part of the package. so forgiveness flows a number of ways to the abuser and to ourselves. As for what has helped me, the short answer is nothing has helped me much other than forgiveness and i have tried everything else and even if the cps had decided to proceed with the prosecution of my abuser, i am almost 100% certain that would not have given me any succor either. I did make sure that all the local safeguarding people were aware of the man though.This is an open forum and we are all entitled to our views and it is up to Jonathan to moderate and censor as he seems fit and i dont knock anyone elses posts and also i dont knock anyone elses faith or lack of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-45234524261778553522017-12-13T14:50:50.892+00:002017-12-13T14:50:50.892+00:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-61752824292324364462017-12-13T10:54:59.132+00:002017-12-13T10:54:59.132+00:00I was a novice in another Benedictine monastery an...I was a novice in another Benedictine monastery and am fortunate I was only psychologically abused and escaped the abusive sex others were subjected to there.<br />My own healing only came with realising I will never forgive my abuser. I will never forgive my own mother for telling me the abuse was nothing. I will never forgive the Benedictine authorities for ignoring the multiple complaints.<br />Why is this healing? Because *I* now have the power over my thoughts and life and that is where it should be. <br />Soper feeling sorry for himself in a cell he can?t leave and as a nonce vulnerable to other lags' attacks, is getting a taste of not having power - exactly what he gave those children. This is as it should be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-33372216316624245782017-12-12T23:48:48.447+00:002017-12-12T23:48:48.447+00:00Anonymous Who Advocates Forgiveness, I would ask y...Anonymous Who Advocates Forgiveness, I would ask you sincerely to stop banging that particular drum! All this boils down to, as far as I can see, is that you yourself have felt able to forgive those who abused you. That is your right. But you overstep the mark when you tell us, repeatedly, that this way of doing things is the ONLY way, that people who don't do it will not feel the benefit, that they will continue to struggle, etc. You are evangelizing and that is always a form of arrogance. People whom you encounter who are struggling are not struggling PRIMARILY because they haven't forgiven X; they are surely suffering because they were abused in the first place! Stop trying to tell people what's best for them, that is not your role. Also, I would suggest you keep what Jesus might or might not have said about forgiveness out of this discussion. Partly because not all of us here are Christians (I for one am not, though I was brought up as one) and partly because as Jonathan says. the whole forgiveness thing has often been used by abusers for reasons that are totally self-serving. I'm puzzled that you don't seem to grasp the latter point, given your own experiences. Show some respect and empathy for other people here who are following another path, for goodness sake! We are not all you, what has helped you might be absolutely the wrong move for another person.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-27198067783700109722017-12-12T17:32:53.400+00:002017-12-12T17:32:53.400+00:00There are only 2 of the chosen left if I recall. i...There are only 2 of the chosen left if I recall. i personally identified my personality with Mark Payge who sadly passed away but could identify my abuse with each of the "chosens" testimony. Mark said in the documentary that he could quite easily have become a heroin addict. Unfortunately that was my fate however i have been blessed by being clean for all drugs for over 14 years now. I acknowledge your caution against the preaching of forgiveness however you will forgive me but i will continue to bang that drum because as far as i am concerned that is the only place peace lies the alternatives just lead to a festering resentment. Of course you hold the stings to this blog and I am at your mercy. On a side note I grew up very close to Caldicott indeed the headmaster who went down for 8 years married the previous wife on my sisters god father. Like many of these predators he was charm personified and was able to pull the wool over many good decent people. When he went down he was a very sad looking broken aged specimen of a human being.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6518202135348193859.post-36546311281011715522017-12-12T17:32:10.525+00:002017-12-12T17:32:10.525+00:00I would be very interested in writing my memoirs a...I would be very interested in writing my memoirs as there is a lot more than that has been said on these interesting if not sometimes painful blogs. I am very confident that the Soper trial is only just the first for him and there is much more going to come to light. At present I want to stay anonymous but if you have a way of contacting each other I would be happy to discuss. Victimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02195422627291660363noreply@blogger.com